NaNo Day 16 - The call to action!

I finally did it! I just finished up Chapter 8 of my story with 26,739 words. That means the next chapter is finally here and the time has come to write the "call to action", the "opportunity for change"!! It's only a few paragraphs away!




<---  So this is what I look like right now :D



As much as I want to keep writing, I think the rest of tonight will be spent on my life. Ya know, every day things and keeping the house. My brain is pretty much spent, so I'll invest my excitment into making dinner and scribbling story notes into my notebook.

EXCERPT

I'll keep my blog post short, and the excerpt long.

Within chapter 8, I did a little more character building with Isaac through dialog and some action scenes. I wanted to describe a high-tension scene where they have to escape their hometown using a hoverbike in the middle of the night. Since it's my first, please let me know what you think and I'll accept ideas to cram in more tension!

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It was dark in the garage, but some light snuck in through the glassless windows . Shiri offered him her flashlight, but instead he led her through the familiar corridors by memory. The multistory building was located in an open space and easily seen by the different districts in town. They couldn’t risk using light of any kind, as it would quickly be investigated by the night watch.   

The ground floor was several meters high and big enough to protect the massive floating caravan freighters. They needed to find the ramp to the second floor instead. Along the way he looked out the open walls and saw the night was clear. It was good the clouds were gone.

The ramp curved onto the second story. Jason weaved through the five land speeders and walked quickly to the back of the space. That should be where the hoverbikes were parked; their size and speed should be good enough for a two person getaway vehicle.  

All the bikes had been returned and neatly parked, making it difficult for Jason to identify which one he had used a couple of days ago. He was betting all his chances that particular bike would still accept his old passcode and they could just hover out of there. As he was feeling around the leather seat and handlebars, he felt something soft. Something like warm fabric. Something that shouldn’t belong here…

                “Hello cousin.”

Wild instincts made Jason punch the air in front of him, sending a strange howl into the air. The sound made Shiri yelp and switch on her flashlight. Palms flung to cover eyes as both boys were instantly blinded by the bright light of her attack.

                “Isaac?! What the fu…what are you doing in here?” the girl demanded, her voice reaching the high notes. “Were you following us? I told you to leave me alone!”

Still not able to see, Isaac tried to free himself from between the hoverbike and Jason’s fist. Somehow he miscalculated the space between the bike and headbutted Jason in the chest. Both of them fell over, one holding his head and the other looking about to puke.

                “Stop it, both of you!”his sister cried.

Jason was the first one up on his feet and directed his full attention to hoverbike’s control panel. Groaning, he waved his sister over. “Shiri, can you give me some light? I think it’s time to get out of here.” The light rose higher and Jason could see the numbers to punch in for the engine activate sequence. To his surprise, the bike just rumbled and a robotic voice echoed in the room “Access denied!”

Isaac was still sprawled out on the greasy concrete, although that didn’t stop him from chuckling. “Kaha kah, Iff mate shure oo arth gown anwfare.” He gurgled.

                “What?” his annoyed sister asked.

When Isaac started to repeat himself, Jason cut him off. “Geez, just get up before you start talking. You sound like a drowning chicken.”

                “Naf Ive knot!”

Grabbing his cousin’s arm, Jason hoisted him into a sitting position. The quick movement made him grab his head in pain. “Oww! You’re abs must be made of boulders!” Isaac groaned. “You didn’t have to punch me!”

                “Well you didn’t have to hide in the freaking shadows!”

                “Yeah that’s totally creepy,” Shiri chimed in.

                “It’s not creepy, it’s my duty,” Isaac protested and rose to his feet. “Sure, I might have gotten your birthday-day wrong, and ruined my amazing proposal surprise, but legally I’m still your chaperone! It’s my duty to protect you.”

                “Well from today forward, you can just forget it okay? Just go home Isaac.”

“There’s no way I just forget you Shiri. You are my chosen, and in a couple days I’ll make it official. You are the one I want to spend my life with!” Isaac tried to sound cool.

“Gimme a break!” Jason spat. He was already sitting on the bike with a panel open in the dashboard. “Shiri, hope on. We’re leaving.”

“Tsk tsk tsk,” Isaac smiled and proudly presented a gray metal cog covered in circuits. “Won’t you be needing this? I removed the ignition switch from all the vehicles in the entire garage. You know, just to be sure you wouldn’t be going anywhere.”

Jason squinted to see what he was holding. Realizing what it was, Jason couldn’t control a fit of giggles as he bent back over the open circuit panel. “That’s a power regulator, not the ignition. Now I know to just redirect this wire here and….”

The engine roared to life as Isaac’s jaw dropped to the floor. “No wait, that’s not possible! I double-checked!” Shiri swung herself onto the back of the bike and grabbed Jason around the chest. Even as the bike began to float off the ground, Isaac sprung into action. “No you can’t leave, it’s against the city regulations!” He gasped, running toward Shiri.

Jason rotated the bike towards the first floor ramp, their escape route clearly exposed. Isaac grabbed the seat handle below Shiri’s rear, his touch making her yell. He continued to babble as she threw punches. “The Human Life Act of 2202, paragraph 4, part A-1 clearly states that all woman between the ages of 17 and…”

The bike was racing onto the ground floor with a crazed teenager drug behind it. Then the garage alarm bell went off and little red lights descended from the ceiling.

                “Now look what you’ve done!” Shiri shrieked, kicking behind her like a mule.

                “A chaperon never leaves his charge after curfew!” Isaac declared.

Jason was passing the last freighter before they got to the exit. Taking his chance, Isaac quickly bounced off the side of the freighter’s side dock and used the force to propel him onto the back of the bike. The added weight flipped the nose of the bike into the air and Isaac grabbed onto Shiri to steady himself. From the handlebar mirror, Jason saw his sister’s face go beet red.

                “Don’t touch me there!!”

                “Isaac get your fat butt off the bike right now or so help me!”Jason growled. 

Their uncontrollable flight path almost made them crash into the doorframe. Jason yanked the handle bars to the right and used his thumbs to jam both booster switches at the same time. The added velocity shot them outside and into the fresh night air. Guards were already outside the garage.  

Jason cursed as he steered through gawking bystanders, Shiri hid her face into his back, and Isaac was doing his best to draw everyone’s attention. So much for a quiet getaway! The forests were dangerous, but they were closer than the end of the freighter runway. No one would dare to follow them in. 'No one would find your cold, dead bodies either if you got lost’ his panicked subconscious reasoned with him.

The bike took a sharp left and almost slid horizontally down the grassy hill toward the forests.  That caught Isaac’s attention. “No, no, no, not towards the trees, are you crazy?! Take us up, takes us up!” he repeated.

             “No one asked your opinion! Feel free to jump off any time,” Jason shot back.

             “I won’t!”

Isaac screamed like a little girl when they zigzagged into the treeline. Jason switched on the headlights and cringed when ten sets of glowing eyes retreated into the night. A branch whipped him in the face and brought out his first terrified tears. But he had to keep it together.

Shiri dislodged her face from between his shoulder blades and yelled over Isaac’s howling, “Where are we going?”

“Somewhere secure!”Jason yelled over his shoulder. “The self-guidance system on this hoverbike is still set to the coordinates of my last expedition. It might be wet, but we’ll be safe for the night!”

“I trust you!”

Those words attacked every particle of fear he had and a new adrenaline pumped through his veins. Jason turned his attention back to steering the bike, a smile plastered all over his face. “Thanks,” he replied.

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